I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
