I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
