Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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