My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
