Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
