I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
