I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Too much gin, very little bucket
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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