I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
