We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
