I'm really into asian looking animals
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
