dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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