what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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