he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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