Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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