I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
