I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
