did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
