i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
