Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
