I'm jealous of your bromance
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
