If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
