This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
