My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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