If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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