She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
