I skipped work to stalk him.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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