my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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