A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
