There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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