just tell him i said nine months
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
