Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
