Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
