If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
