so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
