I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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