Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
