I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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