why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
