maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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