Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
