The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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