Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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