I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
