i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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