What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
