New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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