where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
