There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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