ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
