hell yes lets make some ravioli
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
