I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
