Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
