I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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