do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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