im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
