when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
