none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
