Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my poor anus
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
